Time to Stop Feeling Guilty

It is the first time in a year that I saw him - my very close friend whom I had a falling out it with because of something I did for love. I fought for it. I lost. And the cost was a friendship that took years to build and just one day to destroy. Lessons were learned. I dealt with it and tried to move on a better person.

Still, I imagined that moment when we will cross paths and hopefully exchange some words. I have been wanting to talk to him for so long and eventhough I knew that he will just ignore me, I still wanted him to know that I still consider him important to me and that I still want to be his friend. Last night it happened. It was totally unexpected. However, the circumstances were less than ideal for a chat or even an acknowledgement of each other's presence. But we both knew we saw each other.

I left thinking about what might have happened if I had simply approached and said hi. I thought about the possibilities. He would most likely ignore me and I would look stupid in front of our friends. I decided to text him eventhough I knew I would not get a reply.

"You probably won't reply but hopefully I'll be suprised. Inspite us not making pansin each other it was still nice seeing you. I know the feeling may not be mutual but still. Hope we can start talking again. I'm sorry for everything. Sorry. For everything. Take care."

As expected, I did not get a reply. That is water under the bridge now and after today I realized that he really does not care anymore, which breaks my heart. I would rather that he hates me than feel indifferent towards me. So I have decided to stop feeling guilty after all this time. My apologies have been exhausted. Maybe later in life we would eventually talk. But I must resign myself to the possibility that it may not happen at all. Life indeed is just about causes and effects; choices and repercussions. One must just learn to live with them - good or bad.