Dear Drew

Dear Drew,

First of all, this letter is long but bare with me because I wrote it and I am supposed to be one of your best friends damn it! Hehe. How have you been? I see you're starting to settle in your new apartment. That's great! Although I'll certainly miss Naturalville. No more vacation house in Bangkok for me.

My family (meaning me, my brother, and my mom) are also in a period of transition. You know how we've been selling our house for like 3 years already but negotiations have never really reached the final stages. It came to the point na sobrang frustrating na. The house, if you remember, is the only thing left that's preventing us from completely severing our ties with my mom's husband on paper (I refuse to call him dad or my mom's spouse. Hehe.) Meanwhile, the condominium that my siblings and I own in Roxas Boulevard has been in the market for a year. We wanted to have it rented for extra income.

But recently, our house recently got sold! So yay! Finally, my mom can start a new life and my brother and I are only willing to support her. So happiness diba! We were able to sign the deed of sale the other day so it's official. We planned to live in our condo in Roxas Boulevard temporarily but here's another good news - the condo too recently got rented to a Korean! I never thought I'd say this, but homaygod! Apart from their cuisine, I can say that I love Korean people na ren! Hahaha! So double yay! I can't believe that everything will happen in a span of a month. We waited for 3 years and now it's here. Nakakaloka!

Pero alam mo ba ang mas nakakaloka? We have a week to vacate our house and we still have no place to move in to! Hahaha! Mom was on panic mode but I assured her that it is a happy problem and that she should relax. Kakatawa kasi. And yun nga, just yesterday, she bought na a new house. Hahaha! It is not far away from our current house where I grew up. We will move in next week in Teoville East. It is smaller ofcourse but just right for me, my brother, and my mom. I am excited and anxious at the same time kasi sa totoo lang, hindi ko pa nakikita ung bahay. My mom just texted me about her impulse buying. She said she and my brother liked it and knowing my brother's discriminating taste, I am a bit sure that maganda nga ung bahay. Plus my sister and her family will be coming home this May to celebrate my mom's 60th in June. So I will see my nieces! Yay again! Everything in the family front seems to be looking up. Finally.

Meanwhile, work is going well. I am still surviving. Unfortunately, I have batchmates in the management program that have been let go. They did not make it. It is getting more tough but I have decided to not just survive the program, but come out on top of it! The secret is that I am applying the secret.

Friendships are blooming. (Hahaha! Parang nagdadalaga!) JC has become so senti recently. He asked assurance about the strength and stability of our friendship just the other day. So syempre natawa naman ako kasi never naman siya nagmoment ng ganyan sakin ng hindi lasing! Hahaha! Arianne will be looking forward to a lot of things - more than she knows for now. Bar results will come out soon and ofcourse we will be there for her no what happens. Candy is still Candy. Baklang babae pa ren. Her relationship with John is going strong and she is having fun in medical school. Jem and I go out once in a while. We share a love for volleyball so we have been watching the UAAP games every now and then live. Miguel and I are watching Binibining Pilipinas live at Araneta on March 6. I have also made new friends at work so everything is going well. Carla is like my female half - loud, dramatic, and totally out there. But she is also very smart, frank, and caring - just like me! You would love her I am sure. Allan is a weirdo and we kinda like the way he is for some reason. He likes art and literature. He is a total geek but in a cool kind of way - at least for us. I am not so sure about the rest of society's thoughts. Meanwhile, Simoun and I saw each other for the first time in like a year siguro about 2 weeks ago in Bed, when Chuck was here for a visit. Dedma. It kinda hurt kasi first time kong nakitang super indifferent siya. I thought he still hated me which I would prefer but I guess wala na talaga. And I have decided na stop na ren ako. There is a limit diba? And I have ran out of apologies. Best to just count my blessings which are more abundant that those things I don not have. So as Jem said, steady na muna. 'Wag nang paapekto", which can be naman.

Meanwhile, the only thing missing here is YOU. I miss you Drew! I hope you are well. I hope life is treating you right. We will see each other soon.

Moks

P.S.

Ofcourse, life can not be that perfect so needless to say, my love life is still wanting. I date and I go out. My friends occassionally set me up and I go. But it is all good. I date for leisure. It is a temporary distraction from the stress that is life. It is not something that is a must at this point. (Hahahaha! You know that's a lie right?)

Body Beautiful

I have always hated my tummy area. It's not bulging like a middle aged man with a beer belly or anything but it has bits of flab which are just totally unacceptable. (Eeewst. Did I broadcast that on the internet?!)Yes, I can be vain and conscious of my body. I do not have a good body image. Tyra would give me a scolding. But whatever. The point is earlier tonight I was at the gym and I saw a guy with the body that I want to have for myself. He was lean and toned, but not ripped. It was just right. His stomach area was just flat with seemingly no ounce of fat. I hated him.

I swear! It's so freakin' hard to trim down. I have been doing yoga, cycling, body combat, all the cardio machines at the gym, and some strength training yet I do not seem to have trimmed down at all. I try to go to the gym at least 3 times a week. I have lessened my food intake. I do not understand why I can not just have a flatter stomach. I am not even going for a freakin' six-pack - just a toned mid section damn it! I promised myself that if I still do not have the body that I want by the time I'm 30, I shall make an appointment with Zunic or Marie France for Men (Free plugging na'to!). I bet the money I would spend there for results in like days would be way cheaper than the monthly gym membership and the personal training sessions I had at Fitness First for years.

In the meantime, whenever I feel lazy to exercise, all I need to do is think of that guy I saw at the gym earlier. I shall have the body I want - lean and toned. This is soooo it!!!

Doctor: Out, Lawyer: In

It did not work out with the doctor. It fizzled out. Fortunately I met someone else more interesting. I met the lawyer last night at the club. It started getting hot and flirty, but I took control and stopped myself. I thought of trying something different this time. It is actually not different because I have had this policy for so long. It is just that I have been violating it a lot recently.

Do not have sex with someone you see a potential for a serious relationship with right away.

We shall see how it goes. I have a good feeling about this.

Time to Stop Feeling Guilty

It is the first time in a year that I saw him - my very close friend whom I had a falling out it with because of something I did for love. I fought for it. I lost. And the cost was a friendship that took years to build and just one day to destroy. Lessons were learned. I dealt with it and tried to move on a better person.

Still, I imagined that moment when we will cross paths and hopefully exchange some words. I have been wanting to talk to him for so long and eventhough I knew that he will just ignore me, I still wanted him to know that I still consider him important to me and that I still want to be his friend. Last night it happened. It was totally unexpected. However, the circumstances were less than ideal for a chat or even an acknowledgement of each other's presence. But we both knew we saw each other.

I left thinking about what might have happened if I had simply approached and said hi. I thought about the possibilities. He would most likely ignore me and I would look stupid in front of our friends. I decided to text him eventhough I knew I would not get a reply.

"You probably won't reply but hopefully I'll be suprised. Inspite us not making pansin each other it was still nice seeing you. I know the feeling may not be mutual but still. Hope we can start talking again. I'm sorry for everything. Sorry. For everything. Take care."

As expected, I did not get a reply. That is water under the bridge now and after today I realized that he really does not care anymore, which breaks my heart. I would rather that he hates me than feel indifferent towards me. So I have decided to stop feeling guilty after all this time. My apologies have been exhausted. Maybe later in life we would eventually talk. But I must resign myself to the possibility that it may not happen at all. Life indeed is just about causes and effects; choices and repercussions. One must just learn to live with them - good or bad.

Shopping Habits

I have been on a cost cutting binge lately because of what the general public would like to refer to as the "real world." This real world for me meant monthly bills to pay, credit card bills to settle, and finding cheaper thrills to enjoy. If you ask me, it's no world that I would want to be living in. Hehe. But be that as it may, this new lifestyle I'm trying to adapt to has developed a new shopping habit which I kind of enjoy.

I would try on some dress shirts I like and check if I still fit in a size small. Semi-superficial yes I know but then again I am also on an exercise binge because I still have not gotten off the weight I gained from the holidays. Plus, beach season is coming up and fatness on the white sandy beaches just can not be. Thus, I have adopted a policy of only buying sized small dress shirts - no matter how good they look. In addition, trying on stuff at the stores makes me feel like I am actually shopping eventhough I did not really buy anything. Although I must confess that I did cheat a couple of times and bought some nice tops and dress shirts. My excuse is that they are actually needed for work. Ok, maybe not the shirts I bought but the dress shirts were!

So tonight's report: Celio's sized small dress shirt no longer fit perfectly. I can no longer button the one around my neck! Crap!!! But, Springfield's size small ones still fit perfectly. So yay!!! :)

Moody Much?

Patience is not one of my virtues. But through the years I have learned to manage my emotions. I have not exactly mastered it since lately it has been easy for me to feel so agitated. I am hyper and flying high one minute and totally annoyed and irritated the next. What is worse is that it is the shallowest of things that get to me. I usually feel better after having some alone time at the gym or coffee bean - like where I am now.

I blame the stress I get from work. Moreover, I blame some people at work - those fault-finding, narrow-minded, drama-chasing crabs! Can they disappear like right now? I thought Baguio taught us to be happy for one another's success. Ater all, we are on the same team trying to survive a rigorous program. It is not as if our grades would affect yours. There is no real ranking system where the topnotcher would be declared valedictorian. What is this - high school? This is work. You guys bitching about how undeserved you think our grades are will not make your own grades any higher. And you guys do not have the authority to decide what grades people deserve. We all are on the same level. Well actually after this incident I believe you now are beneath us. Deal with it.

Thank God I have friends who truly are supportive. They are the ones who matter more. As for the others, I think a professional relationship is more than enough.

(Chants "I am positive and I am one with the universe. Negative energy be gone.")

First Entry

I have finally signed up for a blog account after deciding to do so for so long. I have envisioned this blog to b a space where I can express myself freely without judgement. I plan to write about what I think and feel about almost anything. Some posts may be hard-hitting as a I express my views on the relevant issues of the day or simply rambling and emotional as I pour my heart out on events that may have moved me on that day. I do not expect this blog to be read by thousands and I am actually ok with it. After all, this is my online journal and I put it up primarily for me. But in the event that someone here in cyberspace happened to pass by my tiny little space and my writing somehow stirred something in that person to leave a comment, I would surely appreciate it. :)

So what should I write about for my first entry? I guess it makes sense that I elaborate on this blog’s title - “wealth. power. love.” As a firm believer in The Secret, I figured that if I write these three words on a lot of my personal display screens, i.e. laptop wallpaper, mobile phone display, etc., that somehow I would have them. Wealth may not only pertain to the financial aspect, though I shall not be a hypocrite and say that I could live without it. :) It mostly pertains to wealth of experience of which I plan to have plenty. I would say that I am spontaneous, fun-loving, and adventurous. But also, I know how and when to get serious especially when it comes to my future. I am ambitious, goal-oriented, and I can get competitive. :) Power for me is being in a position to effect positive change by tapping on the strengths of others. I hope to have that power. But charisma is something that I can not say I have. Finally, there is love. It seems to be the most elusive thing to achieve. I shall not elaborate. :) But hopefully, God-willing, I would find that person who is most deserving of the amount of love I can give. :)

I guess I shall end this first entry right here. No worries though as I will surely be posting more in the coming days and weeks. Election fever is starting to build up and my love life has been like a rollercoaster so expect something thought-provoking or just plain annoying soon. ;)