My Ultimate Dream

When people ask me what my dream is or where I see myself 5, 10, or 20 years from now, I would normally answer something related to being young, rich, and successful. That is true. I do want to remain young or at least look young for a very long time, have loads of money, and be a very relevant force in my field. I also have goals of having my own foundation geared towards the alleviation of poverty or some other worthy cause befitting a beauty pageant winner. I dream of love like anyone else. I want someone to be a witness to my existence. Those are goals worth pursuing.

But really, my ultimate dream is to take some time off from my life and just wander the world. I want to travel. I want to leave everything I have behind for a year and just have the most life-changing and character-building experiences I could ever have. Life is too short and to see the world from a whole new perspective would be something worth aspiring for. I want to be a backpacker with no plan whatsoever of where to go next. I will sustain myself by getting a job I could never really do as myself in my own world. I could be a janitor in some obscure village in Chile. I could be a bartender in a little known town in Spain. I could be a simple farmer's helper in Mongolia. Anything goes.

But then reality check. I hold an effing Philippine passport. I can not have my life-changing and character-building experience if I have to worry about getting denied entry because my country is not wealthy nor powerful enough! Crap. No wonder it is those caucasians from Europe and North America who can get lost in Asia or South America and have those experiences.

Ugh. I want to be European in my next life. Wait. Make that Western European.

Hongkong Holiday

News do tend to sensationalize. Yeah, I was a bit worried about going ahead with my planned trip to Hongkong with one of my best friends. All this talk about a backlash against Filipinos was indeed a cause for concern. But seriously, no untoward incident occured while I was there. I expected to be at the receiving end of some disrespectful behavior from a local, but I was treated like a valued tourist instead. Isn't that great?

They served good food. They assisted me while I shopped. They politely answered when I asked for directions. All the things my mom said could happen, didn't. So that was great.

Meanwhile, I did encounter some Filipinos there and I must say that if I were one of the locals, I may be annoyed by Filipinos too. Some Filipinos can be just so loud and inappropriate. Some domestic helpers would make latag their banig in the middle of a business park and make tambay there all day. Businessmen clad in their suits would pass by and understandably glare at them. Some Filipino tourists would shop like they are the only ones there. They would converse loudly in a language people around them do not understand. Even I was really irritated with all the banter. I was already inside the fitting room and I can hear one of them shouting at her companion on the other side of the store, "nakahanap ka ng size?!?". I felt like someone has invaded my personal space.

Now I do not mean to generalize. Hence, I said some Filipinos - not all. But I guess you could say that this can be true for all other nationalities. Some Indonesians can be like that too. Some Malaysians can be that way as well. Some Indians can just be the same. But so far, I have not encountered such. Admit it or not, it is usually the Filipinos creating so much raucous.

Love Language

My love language is quality time. That is how I show love and affection and that is how I feel most loved in return. His is words of affirmation. That is how he shows his love and affection and that is how he feels most loved in return.

I guess that is why we are at this sad and frustrating state in our relationship. It will not be a big surprise if one of us starts looking for happiness with someone else.

Queer as Folk

I guess I am little late with the sentiment seeing that this series ended 5 years ago but I have to say I can not remember the last time I was moved and affected by a TV series like Queer as Folk. I got so involved with the characters, plot, and the issues raised about the gay community. The way they tackled them were so realistically fierce. All the issues about the gay and lesbian community were tackled head-on without apologies and without judgement. Name it and it was there - sex, drugs, aids, discrimination, hate crimes, marriage, adoption, civil liberties, etc. I was able to identify with all the characters at some level and it was such a joy to watch. Yeah, ok so I cried in some scenes too. But I swear you would to if you get to watch this religiously.

Ofcourse once I finished, I had to research about the show even more. I found tribute sites, tribute shows, and more about the actors who played the characters in the series who surprisingly were mostly straight! I also found out that almost half of the viewers of this show were straight women. Amazing! So what can I say? I admonish you to buy they dvd box set of Queer as Folk. Or I will be happy to lend it to you under one condition - that you promise to watch it from the pilot episode to the series finale. It would only be a waste not to.

So I shall leave you with some of my favorite quotes from the show.

Brian: [to Craig Taylor, Justin's dad] So in other words, for Justin to live here with you, he has to deny who he is... what he thinks... and how he feels. Well, that's not love. That's hate.

Brian: You stupid little twat, never let anyone fuck you without a condom.
Justin: You're not just anyone.
Brian: Yeah, I'm sure that's what Ben thought about the guy who infected him. Put it on me... I want you safe. I want you around for a long time.

Brian: We're queer. We don't need marriage. We don't need the sanction of dickless politicians and pederast priests. We fuck who we want to, when we want to. That is our God-given right.
Michael: But it is also our God-given right to have everything that straight people have. Because we're every bit as much human as they are.

[Ted's trying to get Brian to talk about losing both Michael and Justin]
Ted: You can't fool me. You gotta free yourself of this burden. Release it. Let it all hang out.
Brian: My mother was a frigid bitch. My father was an abusive drunk. They had a hateful marriage, which is probably why I am unwilling or unable to form a committed long-term relationship of my own. The fact that I drink like a fish, abuse drugs, and have more or less redefined promiscuity doesn't help, much. As a result, I've lost the two people in my life that mean most to me.

Melanie: I used to hate it when Brian would say, "There are two kinds of straight people in this world - the ones who hate you to your face, and the ones who hate you behind your back," because I knew that wasn't true, there are plenty of straight people who don't hate us. But the ones who do no longer have to do it behind our backs, they can do it in the White House, in the churches, on television, in the streets! Is that the kinda place we wanna live? Is that the kinda place we wanna raise our kids?

Brian: Remember what I said to you last night?
Justin: Yes, I heard. You said you love me.
Brian: Then how about marrying me?

[giving his speech at the Committee for Human Rights]
Michael: It's an honor to stand here today, considering a few weeks ago the doctors weren't sure I was going to make it. But I was one of the lucky ones. I'm here. And as terrifying as it was, I'd be there again to defeat a bill that would deny rights to Americans just because they're gay. I have a loving partner, two wonderful kids, a home, a small business. The truth is, I'm just like you.
[puts away prepared speech and speaks from the heart]
Michael: Actually, that's not the truth. Sure, in a lot of ways, I am just like you. I wanna be happy, I want some security, a little extra money in my pocket, but in many ways, my life is nothing like yours. Why should it be? Do we all have to have the same lives to have the same rights? I thought that diversity was what this country was all about. In the gay community, we have drag queens, leather daddies, trannies, and couples with children - every color of the rainbow. My mother's standing way in the back with some friends. My friends. She once told me that people are like snowflakes; every one special and unique... and in the morning you have to shovel 'em off the driveway. But being different is what makes us all the same. It's what makes us family.

Success, Like Happiness, is a Choice

I am so eager to get the ball rolling! I have decided to become an entreprenuer. I am in the process of setting up a franchise of a health and wellness business and I am so excited!

It is very challenging but it so much fun! Business registrations are in process. Designs are being created. Applicants are being interviewed. I can not wait to sign, approve, and hire!

I hope my enthusiasm will continue moving forward.

Meanwhile, I have also decided to be the hottest version of myself by November. I already hired a personal trainer to assist me in the gym and watch my diet. So far so good. I have lost 5 lbs! But I need to lose more. I need to lose a total of 23 lbs. And hopefully I would have already lost 10 lbs. by the end of the month as I have plans of meeting up with a friend abroad. Must be at my best.

I hope my determination will be steadfast.

My love life has been a bit wanting lately. Ali and I have certain challenges we need to overcome. It is very possible that he will be based abroad for work and though I completely understand, it makes me feel frustrated. Until then, he is very busy juggling 2 jobs which makes our time together more scarce. I waited far too long for love to come into my life and now it is in danger of ending too soon. I hope I am wrong. I mean we have only been going out for about 4 months. I can not believe I am saying this, but maybe I need someone who can give me the time I deserve.

I hope my patience will be stretched.

I have decided to be successful. I hope this will apply to all facets of my life.